Settling into the year without knowing how it would go
I’m grateful for this year.
Even as I write that, I still feel like I don’t know where to start.
If I’m being honest, January didn’t come with clarity. It came with a lot of thinking. A lot of sitting with myself. A lot of quiet decisions that didn’t feel dramatic enough to announce, but still mattered.
The year started and I remember thinking, okay… let’s see how this goes.
I’m grateful that early on, I decided to work on my inner self. Not in a loud, aesthetic way. Just genuinely. Sitting with my thoughts. Trying to understand myself better. Trying to undo patterns instead of pretending they weren’t there. That decision alone changed how the rest of the year unfolded.
I’m grateful that I allowed the year to be interesting instead of perfect. That’s the word that keeps coming up for me when I think about 2025: interesting. A learning experience. Healing. Real healing. The kind where you don’t even realize it’s happening until you look back and notice you’re reacting differently to things that once consumed you.
I’m grateful that I entered the year alive, supported, and surrounded, even when it didn’t always feel obvious.
I’m grateful for my parents. Truly. For their presence, for their support, for the ways they showed up in both big and small moments. For the fact that I didn’t have to do everything alone.
I’m grateful for my siblings. For knowing they’re there. For knowing life is still moving forward for them too.
I’m grateful for Adriel. Always. For his health. For his existence. For the fact that even when my life felt uncertain, he remained a constant reason to keep things together.
I’m grateful for health; mine, my baby’s, my parents’, my siblings’. That’s something I don’t take lightly anymore.
Looking back now, I’m grateful that January and February didn’t rush me. They let me ease in. They let me observe my life instead of forcing conclusions.
I’m also grateful for CK. I’m really grateful for the opportunities he brought to me throughout the year and for being partly the reason I decided to truly heal.
Work, routine, and learning how to show up consistently
One of the biggest things I’m grateful for this year is getting a job.
Not my first job ever, but something more permanent. Something structured. Something that required me to show up every day and figure things out as I went.
I worked there for six months, and I’m genuinely grateful for that experience.
It wasn’t perfect. There were challenges. A lot of them. Adjusting to waking up early. Traffic. Sitting in front of a computer all day. Learning how to exist in a routine that I wasn’t used to.
But I loved it. I really did.
I’m grateful that I gave myself the chance to try. That I didn’t quit just because it was uncomfortable. That I stayed long enough to learn something about work, about discipline, about myself.
I’m grateful for my colleagues. For the way they made the days lighter. For the conversations. For the jokes. For the small moments that made work feel human.
I’m especially grateful for Chris. If I’m being real, a lot of what I learned as a landscape architect this year came from him. He trained me. He walked me through the softwares. He helped me understand how ideology turns into actual work. That support mattered more than he probably knows.
I’m grateful that my work was recognized early on by my supervisor and manager. That meant a lot to me. Starting something new and feeling seen instead of invisible makes a huge difference.
I’m grateful that despite traffic being a nightmare in general, mine wasn’t that bad. I really am. I don’t like traffic. I don’t like long queues. I’m thankful that most days, I could leave, get to work, and come back without it draining everything out of me.
I’m grateful for chairs on buses. This might sound silly, but anyone who’s stood the whole way home after a long day understands this. Sometimes gratitude is just getting a seat.
Moving, housing, stability, and small but big wins
One of the biggest blessings this year was moving into a better house.
I’m really grateful for this place.
It’s not perfect, and I can definitely do better with cleaning and decorating, but it’s mine. It’s peaceful. It’s healthy.
My previous house had issues, mould, dampness, things that could actually make you sick. So getting a new place, one that no one had lived in before, where I’m the first tenant? That felt huge.
I’m grateful that I could afford it within my budget. That I didn’t have to overstretch myself just to have a decent living space.
I’m grateful that I paid my rent on time throughout the year. Every single time. Without going into debt. That’s something I’m really proud of.
I’m grateful that I cleared my debts this year. All of them. And that I’m entering the new year with savings. That’s a big deal for me. A real step forward.
I’m grateful for my parents’ support when I started working. For the times they sent me fare. For helping me transition into that phase of life without feeling ashamed to ask.
I’m grateful for this house being accessible. Different routes. Easy movement. Close enough to clients. It made life simpler in ways I didn’t expect.
I’m grateful for the succulents I bought and the intention to add more plants. Even that shows growth, wanting to create a space that feels alive.
Money moving, body shifting, learning how to take care
By mid-year, I started noticing that things were… moving.
Not perfectly. Not magically. But moving.
I’m really grateful for the money I made this year. I don’t think I say that enough. It came, it went, sometimes faster than I expected, but it did what it needed to do. It helped me clear debts. It helped me move. It helped me live. It helped me breathe a little easier.
I’m grateful that I learned how to channel it better. Balance it. Not just spend blindly or stress constantly, but actually work with it. That was new for me.
I’m grateful for the feeling of being able to shop without constantly checking my bank balance or my M-Pesa first. That freedom, even in small moments, meant a lot.
I’m grateful for the clients who paid me. The ones who believed in my work. The ones who tipped me. I had some really good clients this year, genuinely. People who appreciated what I did and showed it. I hope I get to work with them again.
I’m grateful for my printer. Honestly. Buying it was such a big moment for me. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t tried to build something from scratch understands how emotional a printer can be.
Buying it felt like a line in the sand. Like saying, okay, I’m taking myself seriously now. I remember standing there, knowing I wanted it, knowing it would help me grow, but also knowing I was a bit short.
And I’m really, really grateful for the guy who topped me up.
Not just the topping up, although that mattered a lot, but the way he helped carry it. The way he stayed. The way he didn’t make it feel transactional or embarrassing. Just practical. Human. Supportive.
That moment stayed with me longer than I expected. Because sometimes gratitude isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about someone seeing that you’re trying and quietly making it easier.
At first, I had no idea what I was doing. I was just printing aimlessly, messing with settings, wasting paper. But I learned. Now I can even print envelopes. It’s still not perfect, but the fact that I taught myself something new makes me proud.
I’m grateful for the orders I got. For the exam season rush. For working with riders who were mostly kind and patient. Out of so many interactions, only a few were bad, and that says a lot.
I’m grateful for my body this year.
Weight loss has been something I’ve struggled with for a long time. And it didn’t suddenly become easy. It happened during a hard period, actually. But somewhere along the way, my relationship with my body changed.
I don’t hate it anymore.
I’m learning to feed it better. To move with sustainability in mind instead of punishment. To think long-term instead of quick fixes. I’m doing my best, and I’m grateful for that effort.
I’m grateful that I healed from my ulcers. Stress and not eating had taken their toll, but I got treated and got better. That alone deserves gratitude.
I’m grateful that I stayed healthy overall this year. No major illnesses. Nothing serious. That’s not something I overlook anymore.
Healing, letting go, choosing myself
This part of the year was heavy in a quiet way.
I’m grateful for my healing journey, even though it wasn’t easy. There was heartbreak. Sadness. Pain. Bitterness. All the stages of grief showed up at some point.
But I’m grateful that I reached a place where things that are no longer for me don’t get to control my mood or my peace.
I’m grateful that I learned how to let go.
Of people. Of situations. Of expectations that weren’t mine to carry.
I’m grateful that I stopped tolerating nonsense. That I cut them off. That I trusted my senses again. That process was messy and confusing, but it brought me back to myself.
I’m grateful for clear boundaries. For learning to put myself first, even when it felt uncomfortable and unfamiliar.
I’m grateful for forgiving myself. For forgiving others, for pain caused knowingly and unknowingly. That kind of forgiveness doesn’t come overnight, and I don’t take it lightly.
I’m grateful that I stopped being such a people pleaser. Or at least started working on it. I’m still learning, but I’m not where I used to be.
I’m grateful for decluttering, physically, emotionally, mentally. Letting go of things that no longer served me made space for peace.
I’m grateful for solo dates. For taking myself out for ice cream. For trying new places, even if the food wasn’t amazing. For treating myself better without waiting for permission.
I’m grateful for the confidence that slowly started coming back. For putting myself out there again. For remembering that I’m capable.
Family, safety, support, and small graces
I’m deeply grateful for my family.
For the time I spent with them. For the meals. For the presence.
I’m grateful for my mum. Truly. She has taken care of Adriel in such a big way. Even though we don’t always talk a lot, she has played a huge role in my life this year, and I see that.
I’m grateful for my dad. For the way he provides for us. For the hope that things continue to work out for him and for my siblings.
I’m grateful for my sister, that her fees are paid, that she’s learning, that she has a future ahead of her. I hope she passes her exams and gets into a good college.
I’m grateful for my brother finishing primary school. I hope he gets into a good school too. I hope the provision continues to show up.
I’m grateful for Aquino. I hope life becomes gentler and more stable for her.
I’m grateful for Rose. Wherever she is, whatever she’s dealing with, I hope life is kind to her.
I’m grateful for safety. For coming home late from work and still making it home safely. For not being robbed. For nothing bad happening. That protection matters.
I’m grateful for the food I ate this year. Food I cooked. Food people bought for me. Food from hotels. Simple meals. Comfort meals. All of it.
I’m grateful for flowers. Even though I had asked for them, receiving them still meant something. They were my first flowers from someone else, and that mattered more than I expected.
Alignment, reflection, and gratitude without needing answers
As the year started coming to an end, things just… worked out.
I didn’t know how 2025 would go at the beginning. I really didn’t. But somehow, piece by piece, things aligned.
I got the job.
I paid off my debts.
I moved into a place I like.
I built momentum.
I chose my business.
I trusted myself.
I’m grateful for my website gaining traffic again after such a big dip last year. That gave me hope.
I’m grateful for my manifestations. I didn’t take it seriously at first, but I tried. And somehow, things worked out. Delulu became the solulu, I guess.
I’m grateful for seeing beautiful houses and spaces this year. They reminded me that I don’t want to settle for a life I’m not happy with.
I’m grateful for massages. I love them. I wish I got more.
I’m grateful for friends, acquaintances, kind strangers, and people who showed up briefly but meaningfully.
I’m grateful for the spark I got back. The other years were heavy. This year helped me remember myself.
I’m grateful for Adriel. For skating days. For laughter. For the hope of doing more together in the future.
I’m grateful for alignment. I don’t fully understand it, but I felt it.
I’m grateful for God. For the universe. For making it through this year.
CLOSING
Thank you, 2025.
For everything.
For the good.
For the hard.
For the growth.
For the joy.
For the becoming.
I’m grateful for my future self.
I’m grateful that my younger self tried.
I’m grateful that I know my worth now.
I’m grateful that I no longer settle.
It was an interesting year.
And I’m thankful for all of it.
